Fat and Happy

I don’t know why this never occurred to me before, but I totally need to date a chef. First of all, thanks to my love of Top Chef, I have learned that there are a lot of hot chefs out there. Think about it. First of all, there’s Harold, the yummy season 1 winner and my first major chef crush. You would have thought that Tom Colicchio would have been the first to catch my eye and yes - I’m a fan, but it was Harold that first stole my heart. Season 2 brought us the swoon-worthy Sam, but it wasn’t until Season 3 that I found my true future husband - CJ. I don’t know as if I’ve ever hated Padma more than when that stupid bitch told my CJ to pack his knives and leave. I’ll never get over that loss, but at least this season has given me Ryan to enjoy. What a cutie.

Now, it may seem at this point that I’m basing my new theory completely on looks, but I’m not totally shallow. There is also the fact that I’m a pretty crappy cook, so dating a chef would seriously improve the quality of what I’ve been eating lately. Also, I have to believe that chefs would have to have some appreciation for chubby girls. I mean, hey, if he’s going to be slaving away in the kitchen, he’s going to want me to enjoy it, right? Plus, I’m going to have to be supportive of my man by trying out his work. No skinny little bitch will appreciate what he’s doing.

With my new chef boyfriend’s good looks, skills in the kitchen and appreciation for my curves, you may think that this can’t get any better, but it does. Just think of all the traveling we’ll do. Come on - we’ll need to visit all those important foodie sort of places like France and Italy. We’ll be fat, happy, and seeing the world. It’s definitely time for me to do a little stalking to find my CJ.